“Life is pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.”

Wesley, The Princess Bride

The X-ray was clear and undeniable. Looking over the doctor’s shoulder I could see for myself the smooth surface of the bone compared to a prior X-ray that wasn’t so smooth. He’d done what he said he would. He fixed the underlying problem. He’d remedied the situation. 

But, as I’d just explained to him, I was in still in pain. Actually I was in more pain than prior to the surgery and was hoping he’d say it was about to be better.

Like most of life, however, the answer wasn’t cut and dry, no scalpel puns intended. 

I went to him with a a deep ache that had badgered me for nearly three years. It was not improving despite all the googled quick fixes I had vainly attempted. Still, I thought a doctor would take a look and have yet some other quick fix that the internet would not reveal for fear of doctors losing their jobs. 

I was wrong.

Instead he’d said surgery and this would repair the problem. He’d also said it could be a couple of months or more before the inflammation fully subsides or full range of motion returns. It is easy to glaze over that part when you think someone’s given you the answer you longed for. 

When the costs turned out to be more than double what the hospital “estimated” and the pain is no better, possibly worse than before, the mind begins to ask the natural question. Should I have even gone down this road?

Working my way through the Psalms once more, I copied down 67:1-2 during a recent study time: “May God be gracious to us and bless us and make his face to shine upon us, Selah, that your way may be known on earth, your saving power among all nations.”

To have God’s face shining on ours is one of many ways we see and hear in scripture a description of God’s favor and blessing. For so much of my life I have paired that idea with the concept that it means things are good for me. It must mean all is going smoothly if God’s face is shining on me. 

I was wrong.

As I read it this time, it is the reason for his shining face that makes me think again—“that your (God’s) way may be known on earth, your (God’s) saving power among all nations.”

God blesses us and looks at us with favor, not to give us things or to make our lives leisurely and easy to endure, but instead to show others how to know him, how to be saved.

Sometimes there is no better way for others to see than when they look at us living in humble gratitude and joy whatever the circumstances might be. Anyone can be happy and kind and demonstrating love for others when they feel good, when things are going their way, when all their bills are paid and they have money left over, when they get what they want. What reveals God’s way on the earth and shines a light on His saving power, is when—despite dire circumstances—His people are praising Him, thanking Him for his saving grace throughout it all.

It is this heart that rails against the prosperity gospel we hear proclaimed. It is this tension that bubbles up when believers are “doing things the right way” and nothing seems to come out okay. It is the quivering deep down when we read about John the Baptist sending his people to check with Jesus whether or not He is the one, or should he be looking for another? 

John was a faithful witness proclaiming the arrival of the savior of the world, since before his own birth. Yet he is in jail, facing death, while the savior is not coming to his earthly rescue.

Daniel was greatly loved and favored by God but still taken into captivity. He remained faithful there and that landed him in the lion’s den. 

Paul was tormented by a thorn in the flesh that he pleaded with God to remove, but God instead assured him His strength is made perfect in our weakness.

Make no mistake, God is honored by our gratitude when prayers are answered the way we asked. Yet, His insight is not like ours, His ways are not like ours and our answered prayers are often not what we thought they should be. With all of life, every individual life before His eyes, God is sovereign and making choices that will draw us nearer, benefitting us and giving Him the glory. Many times that means we continue walking with the pain, the inconvenience, even the tragedies that seem overwhelming.

It does not mean we are forgotten, but the deep ache may continue.

There is no quick fix for sanctification.

For those who believe, the ultimate and underlying problem is healed the day we bring our filthy broken hearts to Him for remedy. Instantly there is healing that will never be undone, only magnified as we continue walking in the way. The pain and ache of stubborn inflammation may linger a lifetime, but He is faithfully committed to working on us all the way into the kingdom.

When Jesus says to take up your cross and follow Him, it isn’t really a metaphor. It is a clear directive that on this side of the dirt, we are on the road to our own deaths. And in following Him, there is a lot of our living that we need to put to death. We have work to do before we get there, but we can take solace in His gracious face shining on us.